Quotes of the Week: November 15-21

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Once Upon a Time
Zelina: Let’s just say, when the Dark One offers you onion rings, don’t eat them!

Regina: There’s a difference between not knowing something and not *wanting* to admit it.

Cat: I put her in that helicopter. If anyone should feel guilty, it’s me. Not that I do.

Cat: The world is full of so much noise and snark. Much of it we generate. Today, why don’t we elevate this city’s level of discourse instead with a photo essay of all the people who spent their holidays volunteering at soup kitchens and shelters. Let’s see if we can’t bring some attention to those organizations.
Kara: I think that’s a great idea.
Cat: Well, of course you do. I pitched it. Thanksgiving sells. Liberals love to feel guilty, so let’s just squeeze as much juice out of those turkeys as we can.

Jane the Virgin
Magda: I think the Russian red-haired lady in the kitchen is trying to poison me.

Narrator: For those of you keeping track at home, that’s now three children for Rafael and zero sex.

You guys are about as funny as I thought you’d be.


8 Women Who Could Kick Your Ass…

When I started to make this list, I realized that I had way too many names, so I decided to limit myself to characters on current TV shows and eliminated anyone with supernatural powers.

1. Barbara ‘Bobbi’ Morse – Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., played by Adrianne Palicki.
I would not mess with any of the women on this show but Bobbi, with her twin staves, is my favorite to watch. She is an expert in martial arts, is an excellent sharp-shooter and can also fly a plane.

2. Lagertha – Vikings, played by Katheryn Winnick.
She is a fierce and powerful shield-maiden who fights alongside her fellow Viking warriors, as well as defends her home against invaders.

3. Sara Lance – Arrow, played by Caity Lotz.
Even though supernatural powers were used to bring her back to life, her fighting skills are all natural. She was trained by the League of Assassins and, like Bobbi, is dangerous with a staff.

4. Carrie Hopewell – Banshee, played by Ivana Milicevic.
She may appear to be a regular, small-town mother but, thanks to her gangster father, she has a violent past and knows how to take care of herself.


Quotes of the Week: November 8-14

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Once Upon a Time
Merlin: It’s easier to live with the darkness if you can dress it up as vengeance.

Regina: Tell your timbers to stop shivering, pirate.

Zelina: Artie here may have a shorter sword than a man would like, but it can control the world’s greatest wizard.

Kara: I’m not Superman’s cousin. I’m Supergirl! And if I’m going to be defined, it’s going to be by my victories and my loses. No one else’s.

Jane the Virgin
Narrator: Okay. You know what? This is way too stressful. I’m out.

Castle: You majored in opera singing?
Slaughter: No! Musical theater.
Castle: You?!
Slaughter: Yeah, and if you tell anyone, I’m gonna force feed ya your spleen through your nose.
Castle: Yeah, I’m sorry, I’m tryin’ to be scared, I just keep picturing you doing jazz hands.

The Flash
Joe: You’re putting a whole lot of faith in the man wearing the face of your mother’s killer.

Barry: You wanna be a hero?
Zoom: Heroes die.
Barry: Only if you can catch them.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Rosalind: Phantom pain. The thing that’s missing is the thing that you feel the most.
Coulson: Makes it hard to forget.
Rosalind: So maybe you don’t. But it’s also important to look ahead, see what’s in front of you.


Quotes of the Week: November 1-7

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Cat: Drunk at 9 a.m., that’s the last time I have breakfast with Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Winn: I got some maaad sowing skills.

Jane the Virgin
Jane: Don’t want to brag, stopped peein’ my pants yesterday. Hey-oh!

The Flash
Dr. Wells: Everyone loses someone they care about. The real test of character is what you do once they’re gone.

Gilda: This is our head of R&D. As far as you know, her name is Dr. Irving.
Major: Then, as far as I know, can her first name be Julius?

The Bastard Executioner
Wilkin: You understand that giving birth to a pillow neither serves the shire nor yourself.

Oliver: The world is a much more complicated place than most people are comfortable believing.

You’re the Worst
Lexie: Conventional and scary, hell yeah. But the death of fun? Not necessarily! To be a slave to an idea of coolness is why some of your friends never grow and in the end are actually less themselves and, counter-intuitively, live less authentic lives than the buyers-in.


Quotes of the Week: October 25-31

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

The Man In The High Castle
Tagomi: Fate is fluid, Colonel Waggoner. Destiny is in the hands of men.

Randall: It takes a lot of effort not to be free, keeping your head down, holding your tongue.

Cat: It’s not that I don’t see your frown, it’s just that I don’t care enough to ask why it’s there.

Jane the Virgin
Instructor: I know it can seem a little silly, but that’s how language develops. Narrate everything.
Narrator: But don’t step on my toes, Jane. I’ve got a job to do.

Narrator: How do you find the words to say that your psychotic ex-wife inseminated herself with your stolen sperm?

Michael: What exactly is the emergency here?
Rogelio: You are too pale for the baptism photos.
Michael: I’m a police officer! An emergency means someone is dead!
Rogelio: Well, you look like a corpse! Close enough.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Gemma: You were right. There’s no hope on this planet.
Will: That’s what I used to think. Then you showed up.


Quotes of the Week: October 18-24

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Once Upon a Time
Arthur: You betrayed me. You broke the sacred trust of the Round Table.
David: You tried to trick me with a catchy title and a comfy chair.

Saul: I’m not a statesman, Heir Düring. I’m a spy.

Shaw: I teach the people who find people. You think I couldn’t find you?

The Leftovers
Laurie: I don’t want to hurt them, but they won’t jump out of the way.

Jane the Virgin
Rogelio: Cruise ships is where old people perform! I mean, who am I? Charo?!

Narrator: Never was there sounder advice from a tipsy hallucination.

Jane: It wasn’t your fault.
Kurt: I’ve heard that my whole life.
Jane: But you haven’t heard it from me. It wasn’t your fault. You told me Taylor was my starting point. I think you’re wrong. You…you’re my starting point.


8 Bars…

This has felt like one of the longest weeks ever, and it is still only Thursday. I just wish that I could grab a drink at one of these awesome bars. Okay, you should probably avoid most of these places, but visiting them would definitely make your life a little more interesting.

1. MacLaren’s Pub – How I Met Your Mother
Get hit on by Barney or have him introduce you to Ted, witness many a high-five, and maybe hang out with Nick Swisher (or get the chance to heckle him).

2. The Bent Elbow – Witches of East End
Party with the Beauchamp women, taste test one of Freya’s (hopefully harmless) magic potions, and maybe avoid the painting in the bathroom.

3. The Alibi Room – Shameless
Get drunk with Frank Gallagher and listen to his next crazy idea first-hand, play some pool, or go upstairs to spend time with a Russian prostitute.

4. Boyd’s Bar – Justified
Unless you just cannot find any bourbon elsewhere, the only other reason to be in this bar would be to join Boyd’s crew. Either way, just make sure you are well-armed.


Quotes of the Week: October 11-17

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Once Upon a Time
David: I don’t want to only be remembered as the man who kissed a sleeping princess awake thirty years ago.

Gordon: Strike Force?
Barnes: Got a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?

Jane the Virgin
Jane: Go! Run!
Narrator: And, so, Rafael ran. And then, even though she shouldn’t have been physically able to, Jane ran too. Well, we’ll call it running, that thing she’s doing.

Narrator: Observe Rafael trying to pretend he knows what ‘nipple confusion’ is.

Rogelio: In the last twenty-four hours, I have ruined multiple celebrity friendships by tweeting their dirty secrets in an effort to distract the press. It has not worked!

Minority Report
Dash: I wish I could tell you I couldn’t remember everything that happened. But I do. So, whenever it’s quiet or dark or…anytime, really…I am back there…seeing it.
Fredi: Seeing what?
Dash: More than any kid should ever have to. It was too much for too long to forget.
Fredi: And you want to forget.
Dash: No, I don’t. I don’t want to forget it. And that way, it won’t be a waste of my life.

Alexis: The blind priest just ran away.

The Flash
Jay: This is a lot harder than I thought. Losing something that was such a big part of who I was for so long.
Caitlin: I lost something that was a part of me too. It’s hard, but it gets easier every day. You just have to find a new way to live. Just because it’s a different life, doesn’t mean it’s a worse one.


Quotes of the Week: October 4-10

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

The Great British Baking Show
Howard: When I’ve made this previously, people were quite impressed… That was my mum and dad, though.

The Good Wife
Grace: (On the phone) Alicia Florrick, Attorney-at-Law…Yes, she’s busy, your honor. Can she call you back?
Alicia: Who is it?
Grace: No one. I’m calling myself.

How I Met Your Mother
Robin: Have you ever had one of those days where nothing at all that monumental happens but, by the end of it, you have no idea who you are anymore or what they hell you’re doing with your life?

Weller: I’ve been looking for you my whole life.

Lucy: Hello. I’m your new home operating system. My name is Lucy. What’s yours?
Castle: My name is Rick Castle and…and…my wife just left me.
Lucy: Yikes. Sucks to be you, Rick.

The Flash
Iris: If you keep getting no for an answer, stop asking questions.
Joe: I say that! You quotin’ me to me?
Iris: What can I say? You are a *very* smart man.

Caitlin: That light was perfect bait. What made you think of that?
Cisco: I don’t know. I think I saw it in a comic book somewhere.

Oliver: Felicity Smoak, you have failed this omelet.

The Goldbergs
Coach Mellor: Third graders, out! You have no use to me until you develop adult bodies that can play something besides tag!

Pops: Rugelach is a friendship food.