Quotes of the Week: March 22-28

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

The Musketeers
Vargas: You bring women to fight your battles?
Constance: Perhaps I bring men to fight mine.

Once Upon a Time
Poseidon: As long as you live in my ocean, you will live by my rules.

Hook: Maybe she was right. Maybe villains can’t get their happy endings.
Ariel: Maybe that’s because villains always go about getting them the wrong way.

Mary-Margaret: First thing you learn as a bandit: the back door’s usually unlocked.

Shameless
Frank: You’re my favorite dying person I’ve ever met.

Veronica: Why would anyone want to be with you?
Frank: Well, why wouldn’t they?
Kermit: Chlamydia and herpes for starters. Poor hygiene, alcoholism, lack of a moral compass…
Frank: Fine. But my good qualities vastly out weigh my bad ones.
Veronica: Name one.
Frank: How about, uh, a lust for adventure, a bottomless libido.
Kermit: Geez.
Frank: I show up with drugs, companionship, pro bono sex. What more could a dying woman want?

Looking
Kevin: You’re going on about honesty, maybe *you* should look in the mirror.
Patrick: I just did and I look fine. My hair is looking a little middle-aged-lesbian but, whatever.

Glee
Sue: You know, a great big fat person once stood on this stage and told a group of a dozen or so nerds in hideous disco outfits that “glee,” by its very definition, is about opening yourself up to joy. Now, it’s no secret that for a long time, I thought that was a load of hooey. As far as I can see, the Glee Club is nothing more than a place where a bunch of cowardly losers go to sing their troubles away, and delude themselves that they live in a world that cares one iota about their hopes and dreams, totally divorced from the harsh reality that out in the real world, there’s not much more to hope for than disappointment, heartbreak and failure. You know what? I was exactly right. That’s exactly what Glee Club is. But I was wrong about the cowardly part. What I finally realize, now that I’m well into my late thirties, it takes a lot of bravery to look around you and see the world, not as it is, but as it should be. A world where the quarterback becomes best friends with the gay kid, and the girl with the big nose ends up on Broadway. Glee is about imagining a world like that, and finding the courage to open up your heart and sing about it. That’s what Glee Club is. And, for the longest time, I thought that was silly. And now, I think it’s just about the bravest thing that anyone could do.

Community
Chang: Could you guys be bigger nerds?
Abed: No, most of us have achieved our maximum potential.
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8 Awesome Hairstyles…

I grew up with a mother who did not really know how to do anything to my hair except put it in a ponytail. (Yes, I had a bowl cut for much of my childhood, let’s not talk about it.) Needless to say, I have always been jealous of people who can pull off funky hairstyles. This is my list of female TV characters with awesomely crazy hair. Spoiler Alert: there are lots of braids.

1. Naevia – Spartacus, played by Cynthia Addai Robinson
When you are spending most of your time killing Romans, you need some badass hair to go along with your new badass gladiator skills.

2. Suzanne ‘Crazy Eyes’ Warren – Orange Is The New Black, played by Uzo Aduba
This hairstyle totally suits her personality and I do not think her eyes would look quite as crazy without it.

3. Rayanne Graff – My So-Called Life, played by A.J. Langer
Rayanne’s style is totally ’90s Grunge and I always loved the one random strand in the front that was usually blonde, but was sometimes other funky colors.

4. Octavia – The 100, played by Marie Avgeropoulos
Once she joined the Grounders, Octavia needed to look the part of one of their warriors.

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Quotes of the Week: March 15-21

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Shameless
Frank: I’m the only guy I know that’s been given last rites three times.

The Good Wife
Marissa: Handsome men are so weak.

Battle Creek
Russ: Your snitch is an NBA cheerleader?
Al: You got a problem with that?
Russ: No, I don’t got a problem with that. The problem I got is that *my* snitch is a fat, annoying, hairy moron.

The Royals
Penelope: I do not want to be American. I do not want to walk around like Justin Bieber with no shirt on and my trousers hanging off.
Eleanor: He’s Canadian.
Maribel: Even worse. They can’t make us Canadian, can they Daddy? Canadian and poor, just like Justin Bieber?

Jane the Virgin
Rogelio: I’m going to take your hand because I’m a gentleman and we’re in public.

Narrator: Sometimes the best romance is not the stuff of fantasy. It’s the romance of small moments…of intimate moments…of reality.

Castle
Kate: Whatever’s next, I don’t want to have to compromise my priorities to get there, and I never want to be guilty of leaving behind what matters most.
Castle: You cannot leave behind what is always at your side.

Community
Abed: That’s the most interesting take on not being interesting I’ve ever heard.

Dean: Guess what I just purchased for the school from a local manufacturer? Greendale’s first virtual reality operating system!
Frankie: Did Greendale *need* a virtual reality system?
Dean: Uh, like a hole in the head!
Frankie: A hole in the head is something that you *don’t* need.
Dean: She said through a huge hole in her head.

Jeff: I’ll never get out of here, will I?
Dean: I haven’t met many that do.

iZombie
Ravi: You ate the girl’s temporal lobe. Going to the police with her potential murderer is the least you can do.

Justified
Tim: Here comes the douche-mobile.

Boyd: You kiss my ass, Raylan Givens!!

Avery: Whatever that blast was, it wasn’t enough.
Raylan: One thing that didn’t occur to me: dipshits not capable of pullin’ it off.
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8 Basketball Players…

March Madness is upon us, and my Elite 8 is already screwed up because of Iowa State’s loss to the University of Alabama at Birmingham. In honor of the NCAA Tournament, I compiled a list of my favorite TV basketball players. This was a lot harder than I thought it would be, and I am attempting to write this while simultaneously watching the games, so bear with me :)

1. Nathan Scott – One Tree Hill, played by James Lafferty
After playing for the Tree Hill Ravens in high school and the University of Maryland, Nathan was about to be drafted into the NBA when an accident paralyzed him from the waist down. He works his way back to walking and then playing basketball again and gets drafted by the Charlotte Bobcats. He eventually becomes a talent scout.



2. Mark Cooper – Hangin With Mr. Cooper, played by Mark Curry
Mark was a former NBA player for the Golden State Warriors that became a teacher and high school basketball coach at Oakbridge High.



3. Wallace Fennel – Veronica Mars, played by Percy Daggs III
Wallace was the star player for the Neptune High Pirates and went on to play for Hearst College. He then became a teacher and basketball coach at his high school alma mater.

4. Julie Connor – Hang Time, played by Daniella Deutscher
I honestly do not remember a whole lot about this show, except that she was the only girl on the boys Varsity team at Deering High School in Indiana.

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Quotes of the Week: March 8-14

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Once Upon a Time
Regina: If you ensured her goodness, why can’t you tell her?
Mary-Margaret: The same reason you don’t want Henry to hear about all the terrible things you did in your past. You wanna protect him, so he doesn’t lose faith in the person you’ve become, the person he always believed you could be. That’s why Emma can never find out what I’m about to tell you. She’s finally starting to open up her heart. And if she learns the truth, if we let her down, she’ll lose faith in us, and it could send her tumbling down a dark path. Because when you betray the people you love, when you make them see the worst parts of you, what you’ve done changes everything. There’s no going back. You’ve shattered the bonds you worked so hard to forge. And the stronger those bonds once were, the more difficult they are the put back together, if they can be repaired at all.

Shameless
Frank: Prison is no place for a man with naturally tight glutes.

Frank: I’m the goddamn father-of-the-bride. Why didn’t I get an invitation?
Sammy: Because you’re an untrained dog, Pops, and no one wants you shitting on the floor.

House of Lies
Marty: Prison makes smarter criminals.

Looking
Kevin: You’re very cute when you’re wrong.

The Voice
Meghan: So, you gotta pick *one* of them? How do you sleep at night?
Blake: I don’t. I drink.

Jane the Virgin
Rogelio: Turns out I’m equally talented in outer space as I am here on Earth.

Justified
Raylan: Zachariah Randolph.
Tim: Let me guess. Local boy. How come no one down here is ever named Steve or Justin?

Ty: Bullshit. You shot me in the back.
Raylan: If you wanted to get hit in the front, you should have run *toward* me.

Raylan: You’re a good lawyer. All the good ones have ponytails.

Ava: Your neck is just as red as mine, you just don’t see it ’cause you’re always walkin’ forward.

The 100
Clarke: I tried…I tried to be the good guy.
Abbie: Maybe there are no good guys.

Clarke: I bear it so they don’t have to.

Empire
Lucious: You know how God made man in his image? I’m making Hakeem in *my* image. God didn’t need no help, and neither do I.

Hindsight
Lolly: What am I doing with my life? Is there a god? Does Jordan Catalano really love me? Etcetera.

Sebastian: I care about you in a way that’s totally appropriate and non-sexual.

The Vampire Diaries
Liam: Caroline Forbes. The girl from the swimming hole.
Caroline: Liam. The boy I totally forgot existed!

Caroline: You know how cute guys just naturally taste better?

8 Episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer…

Tuesday was the 18th anniversary of the premiere of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. That makes me feel old. Although, I actually did not watch the show when it initially started airing. I remember that a few of my friends were obsessed with it, but I refused to watch anything science fiction back then. However, when I got to college, FX was playing two episodes a day and I quickly got hooked while trying to avoid studying. For this anniversary, I attempted to make a list of my eight favorite episodes, but it was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Instead, I chose my favorite episode from each season (with an extra one from season three). I, sadly, could not find clips for several of the episodes.

1. The Puppet Show
Someone is harvesting students’ organs during the talent show and Buffy suspects that it might be one classmate’s ventriloquist dummy. Giles has gotten roped into organizing the talent show by Principal Snyder. After Snyder overhears Buffy, Xander and Willow making fun of Giles, he forces them to also participate.



2. I Only Have Eyes For You
There is a ghost in the school and he is reenacting his own tragic demise through the bodies of current students and staff. Buffy does not initially sympathize with this ghosts need for forgiveness, but after getting trapped in the school and forced to reenact the story with Angelus, she starts to understand what he is feeling.



3. Enemies
Faith has started working with the Mayor and their latest plan is to steal Angel’s soul and get Angelus to kill Buffy. Faith and Angelus lock up Buffy and are about to torture her until Buffy gets Faith to reveal all she knows about the Mayor’s plans for ascension. Angel then admits that his soul was never taken, and he and Buffy were playing Faith the whole time.



4. The Prom
After realizing that Buffy’s feelings for him are getting too serious, Angel breaks-up with her and tells her he’s leaving after they stop the Mayor’s ascension. To keep herself distracted, Buffy successfully tracks down a student who has bred hellhounds to attack the prom. When class awards are given out at the dance, the students have elected Buffy “Class Protector.”

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Quotes of the Week: Mar. 1-7

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Once Upon a Time
Emma: So, our best defense against a magical beast follows the same rules as chicken pox?!

Emma: Belle…
Belle: I’ll see if I can find anything about this thing in the library
Emma: Thanks. And, Mary Margaret…
Mary Margaret: I’ll get everyone to safety. I’m on it.
Emma: Wow, you guys really have this down.
Hook: Well, this isn’t our first monster bash.

Shameless
Debbie: You should quit while you’re ahead.
Carl: He’ll out-Frank you every time.

Fiona: You have to let me go. You have to let me let you go. I need you to do that for me.

Frank: You shot me.
Sammy: Drastic times.
Frank: None of my kids have shot me.
Sammy: They don’t care about you as much as I do.
Frank: I have a bullet in my arm.
Sammy: No, you don’t. Just grazed ya. I loves you, daddy.
Frank: Ow!
Sammy: I love you, daddy.
Frank: Yeah, I…I love you too, Sammy. I love you too.

The Last Man on Earth
Phil: I got news for you, Tom Hanks, I will never, ever talk to a volleyball!

Looking
Doris: There’s nobody that I’d rather invest in more than you, ’cause you’re my family.

Battle Creek
Milt: In my experience, when you trust people, they trust you.
Russ: Have you actually met people?

Chasing Life
April: Maybe it’s not about finding the reason that all this is happening. Maybe it’s just about trusting that there is one.

House of Cards
Frank: Imagination is its own form of courage.

Frank: You are entitled to nothing.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Hunter: Is every Radio Shack a Hydra outpost? I always suspected.

Empire
Malcolm: Cookie.
Cookie: Yeah. That’s my name. Take a bite.

Hindsight
Lolly: If all goes right, he won’t be the only one sleepin’ on my floor tonight…That made more sense in my head.

Lolly: My Girl? Bleh!
Customer: We heard it was a sweet movie.
Lolly: I used to feel sad for Anna Chlumsky when Macaulay died, but she got off easy. Eventually, he would have told her she was like a sister. Then she’d wish she was the one stung to death by bees!
Customer: Did you seriously just ruin the movie for us?
Sebastian: No. Jamie Lee Curtis will ruin the movie for you.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Matt Lauer: I’m always amazed at what women will do because they’re afraid of being rude.

Kid: Stranger danger!
Kimmy: I’m not stranger danger! I’m a stranger danger ranger!

Titus: Oh no, you can not work there. Rich New Yorkers are the worst. They buy up buildings for themselves and ruin neighborhoods. They’re always inventing new types of dogs that the world doesn’t need. And what do they do with their money? They give it to charities to cure malaria in other countries. Well, call me crazy, but I say, cure malaria at home first!

Kimmy: I was trying to have fun and then I made everything weird. Cause I’m weird. And now you’re looking at me like I’m Jesus’s crazy step-brother, Terry…That’s not in the Bible, is it?

Hart of Dixie
Zoe: All’s fair in love and pastries!!

The Musketeers
Aramis: All for one?
Porthos: Yeah, I know.

8 Things I Would Want If I Were The Last Woman on Earth…

After watching the first episode of The Last Man on Earth on Sunday, I started to think about which TV memorabilia I would drive around the country to collect if I were the last woman on earth. Once I started thinking of things, I had way more than eight, so these are my top choices. Which items would you want?

1. Tim Riggins’ Truck from Friday Night Lights
After all, I will need something to drive around the country and I could attach a trailer to it to transport all my things.

2. Gilligan’s and The Skipper’s Hats from Gilligan’s Island
Headwear is important and it is always good to have options. I would probably pick up Raylan Givens’ hat as well.

3. Dr. Greene’s Scrubs from ER
If I am the only person left, then my appearance does not really matter, so why not be comfortable?

4. JJ Pryor’s Letterman Jacket from American Dreams
Even though I plan to live in a tropical climate, I would need something to keep me warm just in case it gets cold at night.

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Quotes of the Week: Feb. 22-28

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Sleepy Hollow
Grace: Sometimes all it takes is to take pen to paper to make a difference.

Agent Carter
Dottie: “I like a man with a vault full of toys.”

Peggy: “I know my value. Anyone else’s opinion doesn’t really matter.”

New Girl
Schmidt: I can hear it. I can hear it building it’s house. Building it’s sticky, deadly house that you can never leave. Building it. With it’s ass.

Coach: Don’t ask me again to get on my shoulders! That’s a once-a-year thing and you already used it on Halloween when we were 10-foot-tall Ralph Macchio.

Justified
Raylan: “Wonderful things can happen when you sow seeds of distrust in a garden of ass holes.”

Empire
Cookie: You want Cookie’s nookie, ditch the bitch.

Lucious: What do you want to do, man?
Jamal: What do you want to do? You want me to do it for you.
Lucious: No, don’t do it for me. Don’t do it for your mama. Don’t do it for your brothers. You do it for the sake of the music. You got to remember, that’s why God put us on this planet, Mal. Regardless of how we fight or feel about each other or try to hurt each other, the music, man. Music, that’s forever. They’ll dance to it forever. They’ll sing to it forever. They’ll be inspired by it forever. Put the bad blood behind us. Tell your truth in the music.

Hindsight
Becca: Do you have a dream job?
Kevin: Uh, yeah, Ghostbuster. I’m still waiting for an opening. I got my resume all ready to go. Majored in ectoplasm.
Becca: Yeah, well, you gotta dream big, Egon.

The Musketeers
Rochefort: This is all very moving, but can we get on with the business of saving the King?!

Hart of Dixie
George: We will have a bottle of your fanciest Norweigan wine.
Waiter: Norweigan wine, it tastes like the urine from a mink whale. You will have French and you’ll not complain.
Annabeth: Delightful!

House of Cards
Frank: What is the face of a coward? The back of his head as he runs from a battle.

Frank: I should have never made you Ambassador.
Claire: I should have never made you President.

8 Christian Characters…

It is the season of Lent and Easter is just five weeks away. Since I gave you my list of favorite Jewish characters during Rosh Hashanah, I decided now would be a great time for my list of favorite Christian television characters.

1. Alba Villanueva – Jane the Virgin played by Ivonne Coll.
Jane’s grandmother is a devout Catholic and sharing her faith with her family was important to her. It did not really stick with her daughter, Xiomara, but Jane took it very seriously.



2. President Josiah Bartlett – The West Wing played by Martin Sheen.
A graduate of the Univeristy of Notre Dame, he quoted scripture often (sometimes in Latin) and even considered becoming a priest before going into politics.



3. Coach and Tami Taylor – Friday Night Lights played by Kyle Chandler and Connie Britton.
Their religion was not something they talked about all the time, but they went to church every Sunday and they always tried to instill their morals in their own children and the students they worked with every day.

4. Harriet Hayes – Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip played by Sarah Paulson.
She was the only Christian on the cast for a SNL-like live sketch comedy show. One of my favorite Harriet lines is from the end of the second episode during a pre-show pep-talk: “We say this prayer in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ, who had to have been funny to get so many people to listen to him.”

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