These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Once Upon a Time
Mary Margaret: Heroes do what’s right, not what’s easy.

Battle Creek
Commander: Are you okay?
Fontanelle: He lost a bet. He can’t hold his liquor like he used to.
Commander: Can’t fit into those chaps like he used to either.

The Flash
Barry: It’s okay! You’ve all been given an antidote!
James: That wasn’t very sanitary!

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
May: She said she was working for S.H.I.E.L.D., Phil. The *real* S.H.I.E.L.D.
Coulson: What the hell does *that* mean?

Hunter: Sorry I’m late. An evacuation pod will wash up where and when it wants to.

New Girl
Jess: And then Pete says to..
Coach: Allen Iverson
Jess: “You want to keep sportsing on the..
Coach: Grizzlies
Jess: ..but if you want me to show you the money, then…
Coach: You gotta finish your career off with the ’76ers!”
Jess: And it was classic Pete.

Louise: I just think you’d be more of a success socially if you let people come to you.

Justified
Rachel: How bad is it?
Art: Well, I shaved.

Raylan: You ever been down a mine?
Tim: I been to Mordor, but not through the mines.
Raylan: Is that a yes or a no?
Tim: No.

Younger
Josh: I’m gonna steal your cell phone for a second.
Liza: Wait a minute. Why?
Josh: Just relax, scaredy cat.
Liza: What are you doing?
Josh: I’m taking a picture of my junk…No. I’m adding myself to your calendar. Right here. Next Thursday.
Liza: Are you asking me on a date?
Josh: Is that a yes?
Liza: I don’t know. Let me see that junk shot first. Oh my god, I totally thought that was going to sound flirty, but it came out creepy.
Josh: It came out really sexy, if you ask me.

Arrow
Felicity: Please tell me you have a brilliant plan.
Oliver: I don’t even have a regular plan.

Felicity: What is wrong with me? He’s brilliant. He knows the plot to every Doctor Who episode. All thirty-four seasons. He looks like a Disney prince. I mean, he’s practically the perfect man.

Oliver: Just ask me what you want to know.
Lance: What do I wanna know. Well, was it worth it? All that pain and misery you brought back from that island. Merlyn. Slade Wilson. Wouldn’t it have been better if you had just died there?
Oliver: The reason I came back was to try and save the people of this city.
Lance: I hate to break it to you, but saving people isn’t your specialty. Tommy. Hilton. Your mother. My daughter. Well, now you set out killing Laurel too.
Oliver: I didn’t want her to be involved in this. I didn’t want anyone to be involved in this.
Lance: But you involved me. You spent a year making me look like a fool. You spent a year making me your accomplice. You have any idea what you’ve done? Huh? What you’ve done to all of us? To the people who you claim to care so much about?! You’ve made us criminals! You’ve made us liars and victims! You, Mr. Queen, are not a hero! You’re a villain! But you know that, don’t you?

The Goldbergs
Lainey: Tiffany is coming to *our* mall!
Erica: Sweet God, my life now has meaning!

Beverly: You gotta go up there and tell her she’s gotta go to college!
Murray: Why? You just told her she didn’t!
Beverly: Because, I’m the dream pusher, and you’re the dream smusher. That’s how this works!
Murray: This is a thing? I’m the smusher?
Beverly: Yes! I push, you smush! That’s the natural order of things!
Murray: I didn’t sign up for this! You smush for once. You know, it’s exhausting always having to be the bad guy.
Beverly: Well, it can’t be me! I’m the loving, supportive one. You’re the grumbling, grouchy one I always hide behind. Now go! Smush, smush, smush!

Bones
Booth: I don’t think tweets are meant to be profound, or anything like that. Except if they’re Flyers updates. That’s life or death.

Elementary
Sherlock: The things that I do, the things that you care about, you think that I do them because I’m a good person. I do them ’cause it would hurt too much not to.
Agatha: Because you’re a good person.
Sherlock: It hurts, Agatha. All this. Everything I see. Everything I hear, touch, smell. The conclusions that I’m able to draw. The things that are revealed to me. The ugliness. My work focuses me. It helps. You say that I’m using my gifts. I say I’m just treating them.