These are my favorite quotes from the past two weeks, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.
Riley: Death doesn’t let you say goodbye.
Jeremy: You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t like the taste of blood.
Orange Is The New Black
Crazy Eyes: I will potato her at a future time.
Sister Jane: Thou shalt not make musical references!
Jack: What seems to be the problem there?
Piper: The thermal fuse blew.
Jack: And you can fix that by yourself, honey?
Piper: Well, I sure can, if I concentrate *extra* hard with my lady brain
Scott: In your heart of hearts, you know as well as I do, red velvet is bullshit! It tastes like play-doh. It is not velvety. And the only thing that’s good about it is the cream cheese frosting, which is meant to live on top of carrot cake like God intended!
Crystal: Why do weird things keep happening to me?!
Jesse: Holy moly.
Helena: Yes, much moly.
Alison: Thank you, seestras, for your bravery, for protecting us, for making us feel normal. I know that whatever comes next, we’ll face it together, as a family.
The Last Ship
Danny: Baltimore Water & Power, how can I help you this evening? Our current hold time is forever. If you need immediate assistance, place your lips on my ass cheeks and press the pound sign.
Stef: You can’t date women who watched Friends for the first time on Netflix.
Quinn: What does this douche-bag not get about this business? We are selling true love here. True love, people!
Janel: Ivan thought it might be a good idea for us to have some transportation for our investigation.
Dr. Tyler: You couldn’t find an old ambulance with ‘Ghostbusters’ on the side?
Donna: Promise me, no matter what is going on in my life, you won’t feel bad about telling me all the good things in yours.
Mike: What is this?
Harvey: A copy of Brides Magazine
Mike: Why is it on my desk?
Harvey: How else are you gonna pick your colors?
Mike: What are colors? How do *you* know what they are?
Harvey: Because I’m a grown man.
Mike: Really? ‘Cause you sound more like a grown woman.
Harvey: That’s very hurtful. I looked everywhere for that issue.