These are my favorite quotes from the past two weeks, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Sense8
Riley: Death doesn’t let you say goodbye.

UnReal
Jeremy: You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t like the taste of blood.

Orange Is The New Black
Crazy Eyes: I will potato her at a future time.

Sister Jane: Thou shalt not make musical references!

Jack: What seems to be the problem there?
Piper: The thermal fuse blew.
Jack: And you can fix that by yourself, honey?
Piper: Well, I sure can, if I concentrate *extra* hard with my lady brain

Scott: In your heart of hearts, you know as well as I do, red velvet is bullshit! It tastes like play-doh. It is not velvety. And the only thing that’s good about it is the cream cheese frosting, which is meant to live on top of carrot cake like God intended!

Orphan Black
Crystal: Why do weird things keep happening to me?!

Jesse: Holy moly.
Helena: Yes, much moly.

Alison: Thank you, seestras, for your bravery, for protecting us, for making us feel normal. I know that whatever comes next, we’ll face it together, as a family.

The Last Ship
Danny: Baltimore Water & Power, how can I help you this evening? Our current hold time is forever. If you need immediate assistance, place your lips on my ass cheeks and press the pound sign.

The Fosters
Stef: You can’t date women who watched Friends for the first time on Netflix.

UnReal
Quinn: What does this douche-bag not get about this business? We are selling true love here. True love, people!

Proof
Janel: Ivan thought it might be a good idea for us to have some transportation for our investigation.
Dr. Tyler: You couldn’t find an old ambulance with ‘Ghostbusters’ on the side?

Suits
Donna: Promise me, no matter what is going on in my life, you won’t feel bad about telling me all the good things in yours.

Mike: What is this?
Harvey: A copy of Brides Magazine
Mike: Why is it on my desk?
Harvey: How else are you gonna pick your colors?
Mike: What are colors? How do *you* know what they are?
Harvey: Because I’m a grown man.
Mike: Really? ‘Cause you sound more like a grown woman.
Harvey: That’s very hurtful. I looked everywhere for that issue.