These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.
Once Upon a Time
David: I don’t want to only be remembered as the man who kissed a sleeping princess awake thirty years ago.
Gordon: Strike Force?
Barnes: Got a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?
Jane the Virgin
Jane: Go! Run!
Narrator: And, so, Rafael ran. And then, even though she shouldn’t have been physically able to, Jane ran too. Well, we’ll call it running, that thing she’s doing.
Narrator: Observe Rafael trying to pretend he knows what ‘nipple confusion’ is.
Rogelio: In the last twenty-four hours, I have ruined multiple celebrity friendships by tweeting their dirty secrets in an effort to distract the press. It has not worked!
Dash: I wish I could tell you I couldn’t remember everything that happened. But I do. So, whenever it’s quiet or dark or…anytime, really…I am back there…seeing it.
Fredi: Seeing what?
Dash: More than any kid should ever have to. It was too much for too long to forget.
Fredi: And you want to forget.
Dash: No, I don’t. I don’t want to forget it. And that way, it won’t be a waste of my life.
Alexis: The blind priest just ran away.
Jay: This is a lot harder than I thought. Losing something that was such a big part of who I was for so long.
Caitlin: I lost something that was a part of me too. It’s hard, but it gets easier every day. You just have to find a new way to live. Just because it’s a different life, doesn’t mean it’s a worse one.
Major: So, I know you’re a student of men’s lifestyle magazines. Beard glitter. Is this a trend I should know about?
Ravi: It was an accident.
Major: Involving a My Little Pony?
Ravi: I had some make-up on before that was surprisingly difficult to wash off.
Major: Been there. So, you know I’m referring to your beard as Princess Sparkles from now on though, right?
Ravi: Why would you be referring to my beard?
Major: You’ve got some crumbs stuck in Princess Sparkles. Or, Princess Sparkles could use a trim!
Major: I was wrong about the bathroom being the place to score drugs. There’s, uh, definitely some transactions going on in there, but not the kind we’re looking for.
The Bastard Executioner
Lady Love: May our Savior keep you safe, Griffy.
Gruffudd: Of course he will. Jesus was a rebel.
Alex: Sometimes you want something so bad, you construct this fantasy that it’s all going to work out. And it never does.
Oliver: Uh…self defense class.
Beverly: If my shmoops says he can’t swim, then he must have a legitimate reason and I fully support him.
Coach Mellor: So you can vouch for your son’s claim that he can’t get into the pool because he’s a CIA operative wearing a wire?
Beverly: That’s classified.
Cookie: Tell me a grandma that got an ass like this!
Monica: You couldn’t have picked a safe house with working elevators?!
Doctor: People talk about premonition as if it’s something strange. It’s not. It’s just remembering in the wrong direction.
Clara: If the repair kit never stops working, then why did you give her two?
Doctor: Immortality isn’t living forever. That’s not what it feels like. Immortality is everybody else dying. She might meet someone she can’t bear to lose. That happens. I believe.