I have never been a big fan of Valentine’s Day. I do not really understand the point of this holiday. In high school, one boyfriend took me on a date to see the movie My Favorite Martian. So romantic. However, I do enjoy watching other people make fools of themselves in the name of romance. Which is why, this year, I made a list of my favorite episodes in which people’s holidays do not go as planned.
1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer “Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered”
It is bad enough to be single on this holiday, but to also be tormented by your ex-boyfriend (who happens to be a soulless vampire), only makes things worse. Also, after Cordelia breaks up with Xander, he blackmails Amy to get her to do a love spell for him. Unfortunately, the spell affects every woman *but* Cordelia, and things turn deadly as the women fight each other for his affections.
2. Friends “The One With The Candy Hearts”
Joey accidentally sets Chandler up on a blind-date with ex-girlfriend Janice. Ross and his date end up at the same restaurant as his ex-wife Susan, and he invites her to join his date when she gets stood up. Meanwhile, Rachel, Monica and Phoebe have plans, so they agree to take part in Phoebe’s cleansing ritual, which has them setting fire to items from their ex-boyfriends. Rachel throws in a bottle of grappa, and the fire department has to be called.
3. Smallville “Persuasion”
Clark accidentally ingests gemstone kryptonite, which makes everything he tells someone he *wants* into a reality. This might sound ideal, but not when it turns your career-oriented girlfriend into Suzy Homemaker, and sets your best friend on a mission to break the two of you up. Also, Zod figures out what is happening and uses Clark’s new ability against him, which puts Tess in danger.
4. Happy Endings “The St. Valentine’s Day Massacre”
Penny is waiting until after Valentine’s Day to break up with the guy she’s been dating, and then convinces Dave that his girlfriend is doing the same to him. Brad makes big plans for himself and Jane, but goes to the dentist before his big evening and ends up having to be drugged because of a cavity. Alex is the only one excited about the holiday but, while on her way to a party, gets mistaken for a hooker and gets arrested. Meanwhile, Max spends the evening driving his limo and ends up picking up ex-boyfriend Grant.
5. Ally McBeal “In Search of Pygmies”
Ally purposely rear ends a cute guy with her car so that she can get a date for Valentine’s Day. During the date, she discovers that he has an obnoxious laugh and she ends things with him. Upset about being dumped, he comes back to her office wearing a neck brace and sues her. But seriously, would you want to date a guy that laughed like this?:
6. Charmed “Animal Pragmatism”
Three girls in Phoebe’s class buy a spell book and she accidentally tells them how to perform one of the spells. They end up turning a snake, a rabbit and a pig into three men for twenty-four hours. Unfortunately, the guys maintain their animal instincts, threatening and killing people so that they can stay human forever. In an attempt to turn them back into animals, Phoebe, Piper and Prue do a spell that goes a bit wrong and everyone in Piper’s club also gets turned into animals.
7. 30 Rock “St. Valentine’s Day”
Liz agrees to a first date with Dr. Baird before realizing it is Valentine’s Day. She tries to make it a low-key evening, but things keeps going horribly wrong, culminating in her having to hold his hand as his mother dies. Elsewhere, Kenneth is too nervous to talk to a pretty blind girl, so Tracy does the talking for him, but she is disappointed when she learns that her date is not a black man. Finally, Jack is forced to go to church with his girlfriend, Elisa, before they can go to dinner. She makes him confess his sins, which causes the priest to run away in terror.
8. ER “Be Still My Heart”
I saved the worst for last. This one does not really fall under the above criteria of “people making fools of themselves in the name of romance.” However, it was a horrific episode that happened to occur during this holiday. Carter and Lucy are treating a law student who clearly shows mental problems. While they wait for a Psych consult, the rest of the staff start their Valentine’s Day party. The music is so loud that no one can hear as the patient stabs both doctors and leaves them for dead.