These are my favorite quotes from the past week, mostly from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Westworld
Dolores: There’s a path for everyone. Your path leads you back to me.

Peter: You don’t know where you are. Do you? You’re in a prison of your own sins.

Masters of Sex
Bram: Hey, pal, if you want to do a little do-si-do with Gloria, the gal I walked in here with, she’s got quite a beaver.
Libby: What?!
Bram: Her coat is beaver.

Cleo: Nothing radical has ever been catered.

Luke Cage
Luke: I’m about sick of always having to buy new clothes.

The West Wing
Josh: What do you say about a government that goes out of its way to protect even citizens that try to destroy it?
Toby: God Bless America.

Lucifer
Lucifer: Liar, liar, slutty dress on fire, Mother.

Lucifer: How far can a celestial being trapped in a feeble human body for the first time get?
Maze: Well, let’s see. She’s stupid hot, wearing my clothes, and she’s got a corporate credit card.
Lucifer: Bollocks.

Conviction
Hayes: Why be the fox guarding the hen house, when I can be the wolf who mauls the fox and anyone else who gets in her way?

Timeless
Wyatt: It might be the ’30s, but Jersey is Jersey.

Commander Rosendahl: Who are you?
Lucy: This is Dr. Dre. I’m Nurse Jackie. We’re from General Hospital.

The Flash
Iris: Some people are just meant to be in your life.

Eobard: The you I know from the future, he’s not this stupid.

Caitlin: Excuse me, have I been kidnapped?
Wally: Unclear.

New Girl
Schmidt: Okay, you know what? We need to make a pact to befriend at least one other married couple.
Cece: Yeah, but how are we gonna do that? We don’t have a kid, and I refuse to take cooking classes.
Schmidt: I don’t know. Maybe we just go to a Norah Jones concert, stand outside, and look lost.

No Tomorrow
Xavier: The apocalypse is, uhm, you know, nigh.

Xavier: You think I’m nuts.
Evie: No, you’re just..you’re not what I thought you’d be.
Xavier: What’s that?
Evie: Not…nuts.

Mary Anne: Your eggs are basically cooked.
Evie’s Mother: Scrambled.
Mary Anne: It’s like a three day old quiche in there.

The Last Kingdom
Alfred: If God will not cure Edward, what makes you think that he would allow a Pagan to succeed?
Uhtred: Who is to say that God is not working through us all? Did he not make the Pagans, too?

The Good Place
Michael: I’d love to small talk. I’ve been practicing, too. I’m amazing at it.

Chidi: This is an extremely precarious situation! I am vexed, Eleanor!

Pitch
Ginny: I just want them to see me as a regular ball player.

Chuck
Jeff: What if you were the unwitting target of a ninja vendetta, and he returns tonight to strangle you with his nunchucks?
Chuck: That’s super, Jeff. Thank you for thinking outside the box on that one. And here I thought I couldn’t get any more freaked out.