These are my favorite quotes from the past week, mostly from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.
Alex: Your cousin smells terrific.
Clark: Being Kara is just as important as being Supergirl.
Clark: Up, up?
Kara: And away!
Lucifer: Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire.
Lucifer: I mean, I’ve heard of hot pants, but this really brings new meaning to the term “fire crotch,” doesn’t it?
Lucifer: Wait. I have more. Smokey Bobinson. Weekend at Burnie’s.
Ella: His burning bush?
Lucifer: Oh. Very good. That was actually me, by the way, so don’t tell anyone.
Lucifer: I punish because I’m good at it. I love giving people their due. Makes me happy.
Hayes: If you don’t want me to sleep with waiters from Mom’s campaign events, don’t hire hot ones.
Hayes: Next time you want to check up on me, find a different spy, because I’m never sleeping with someone already in bed with my mother.
Wyatt: An actor.
Lucy: Pretty well-known too. But his brother, Edwin, was literally the most famous actor in America. John never quite measured up.
Rufus: So, this is like if Donnie Wahlberg assassinated the president.
Lucy: Pretty much, actually.
Barry: I’ve kissed Iris West twice, and I have managed to erase both times from existence!
Felicity: Yeah, I hate it when that happens.
Felicity: Everybody likes Barry Allen. You’re like pudding. Everybody likes pudding.
Jay: Are you just gonna take a do-over every time you make a mistake? Or will you live with them, and move forward?
Iris: Where ever you go, you’ll always be Barry, and I’ll always be Iris. We always find each other.
Jess: You can’t be mad at these people.
Schmidt: But they were all horrible to me, Jess.
Jess: And that’s why you left. You created your own path. You changed cities. You made friends. You found your purpose. You met the love of your life!
Schmidt: I sure did.
The Real O’Neals
Jodi: I’ll make you a deal. I’ll do the modeling gig if you go out with VP Murray on a real date.
Eileen: And why would I do that?
Jodi: Because it’s National Coming Out Day. And if I can come out as someone who’s plus-size, you can come out as someone who’s got a crush on a thin man in Lycra.
Eileen: Of all the fabrics in all the world, he had to wear that one.
This Is Us
Toby: I like you, Kate. I like you a lot. But I can’t, I can’t play second banana to your brother.
Kate: You have to. Everyone has to.
Xavier: Wow, your mug shot is appalling.
Jesse: Those corn rows are the only thing I’m guilty of.
Xavier: We all get to decide what’s important to us, end of the world or not.
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Coulson: It’s important to know when to throw out the plan.
Oliver: You need to decide if you wanna be a man in a hockey mask, or if you wanna be someone else. Something else.
Oliver: They’re too green.
Felicity: Some could say the same about you…. I’ve been waiting five years to make that joke.
Oliver: Let’s honor the legacies of our fathers together.
Lauren: What if I’m straight?!
Maggie: Stop trying to be so interesting.
Murtaugh: He’s crazier than a sack of cats.
Riggs: Did you say I was crazier than a sack of cats?!
Murtaugh: Funky, feral, and confused. That’s you.
The Good Place
Michael: Let’s keep our eyes peeled for twigs that may have a nefarious agenda.
Amelia: I don’t know much about baseball, but I do know that it’s bad form to play an all star game without pants.
Al: Take the pity date. It doesn’t matter why they say yes, it matters what you do after they say it.
Chandler: So, Saturday night. The big night. Date night. Saturday night… Sat-ur-day night!
Joey: No plans, huh?