Since the ATX Television Festival, my schedule has been little wonky. So, here are my favorite quotes from the past two and a half weeks, mostly from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Orphan Black
Alison: Poop on a stoop!

I’m Dying Up Here
Edgar: That is not how a bladder functions.
Gabe: Shut up, Edgar. I’m Jewish, you’re Mexican, which automatically makes me closer to being a doctor than you.

Downward Dog
Martin: I think, so often I forget the really, really obvious things in life. Because I don’t think it’s all that hard to be happy. I…I think you just have to be grateful. Like, you have to remember to be grateful for what’s right in front of you. Because me and Nan are really, really different. Like…like, we’re, like, 60% compatible at best. And, like, we have these huge issues we have to work out. But, like, when you’re always running around looking for what’s wrong with everything you just – you just end up miserable. Yeah, like, I’m a trash dog and she’s, like, a fancy lady, but we have each other, and that’s what’s important. We’re not alone. And for that…for that I’m honestly, really, truly grateful.

Martin: One thing I’ve always wanted to ask is just, like, what if we never got out of bed? Like, ever. Why are we so convinced it would be bad? Like, that might – that might solve everything. Or we could not try my suggestion, and we could just, like, keep getting out of bed every day expecting somehow to achieve a different result, even though that’s the actual dictionary definition of insanity. I mean, I don’t know. Maybe it’s worth a try.

iZombie
Liv: He escaped.
Justin: How’d that happen?
Liv: Said the guy who showed up late.

Fargo
Emmit: A lie is not a lie if you believe it’s true.

Doctor Who
Bill: You’re not cowards. You’re scared. Scared is fine. Scared is human.

Doctor: That’s the trouble with hope. It’s hard to resist.

Turn: Washington’s Spies
Judge Woodhull: When the consequence of the day rears its head, then we’ll know what we learned.

Orphan Black
Rachel: You can be part of this change, or you can be part of the past.

Kira: I want to know why I’m like this!

American Gods
Mr. Nancy: There is no end to the cruelty of men threatened by strong women.

Grantchester
Sidney: I’m starting to feel…well, like a vicar in a strip club.

Esme: Dad?
Geordie: Mmm?
Esme: What’s a womb?
Geordie: What’s a what?
Esme: ‘Offspring of the virgin’s womb,’ that’s what it said in the song.
Geordie: Ask your mother.
Esme: Mum?
Cathy: Mmm?
Esme: What’s a womb?
Cathy: It’s something grown-up ladies have.
Esme: Like a handbag?
Geordie: Yes, like a handbag.

Veep
Amy: We thought we were on top of it.
Selina: Oh, really? Well, now it’s on top of you, it’s knocked your teeth out and it’s making sweet love to your face!

iZombie
Katty: Are you alright?
Ravi: Oh yeah, it’s just an old quidditch injury.

Ravi: It’s not my fault we brain banged.

Downward Dog
Nan: We’re all just baby adults, and we have no idea what we’re doing with life.

Queen of the South
Finnerman: In my experience, men are the weaker sex when it comes to matters of the heart.

GLOW
Melrose: Who doesn’t trust a man with a mustache full of coke?

The Great British Baking Show
Sue: The curse of the Star Baker!…Keep talking about it as if it’s a real thing.
Mel: The curse of the Star Baker! Ooo!

Turn: Washington’s Spies
Judge Woodhull: Don’t quote Shakespeare. That’s my trick.

Orphan Black
Alison: I’m part of a sisterhood that you couldn’t even begin to understand!