Battle Creek

Quotes of the Week: March 29-April 4

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Once Upon a Time
Mary Margaret: Heroes do what’s right, not what’s easy.

Battle Creek
Commander: Are you okay?
Fontanelle: He lost a bet. He can’t hold his liquor like he used to.
Commander: Can’t fit into those chaps like he used to either.

The Flash
Barry: It’s okay! You’ve all been given an antidote!
James: That wasn’t very sanitary!

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
May: She said she was working for S.H.I.E.L.D., Phil. The *real* S.H.I.E.L.D.
Coulson: What the hell does *that* mean?

Hunter: Sorry I’m late. An evacuation pod will wash up where and when it wants to.

New Girl
Jess: And then Pete says to..
Coach: Allen Iverson
Jess: “You want to keep sportsing on the..
Coach: Grizzlies
Jess: ..but if you want me to show you the money, then…
Coach: You gotta finish your career off with the ’76ers!”
Jess: And it was classic Pete.

Louise: I just think you’d be more of a success socially if you let people come to you.

Justified
Rachel: How bad is it?
Art: Well, I shaved.

Raylan: You ever been down a mine?
Tim: I been to Mordor, but not through the mines.
Raylan: Is that a yes or a no?
Tim: No.

Younger
Josh: I’m gonna steal your cell phone for a second.
Liza: Wait a minute. Why?
Josh: Just relax, scaredy cat.
Liza: What are you doing?
Josh: I’m taking a picture of my junk…No. I’m adding myself to your calendar. Right here. Next Thursday.
Liza: Are you asking me on a date?
Josh: Is that a yes?
Liza: I don’t know. Let me see that junk shot first. Oh my god, I totally thought that was going to sound flirty, but it came out creepy.
Josh: It came out really sexy, if you ask me.

Arrow
Felicity: Please tell me you have a brilliant plan.
Oliver: I don’t even have a regular plan.

Felicity: What is wrong with me? He’s brilliant. He knows the plot to every Doctor Who episode. All thirty-four seasons. He looks like a Disney prince. I mean, he’s practically the perfect man.

Oliver: Just ask me what you want to know.
Lance: What do I wanna know. Well, was it worth it? All that pain and misery you brought back from that island. Merlyn. Slade Wilson. Wouldn’t it have been better if you had just died there?
Oliver: The reason I came back was to try and save the people of this city.
Lance: I hate to break it to you, but saving people isn’t your specialty. Tommy. Hilton. Your mother. My daughter. Well, now you set out killing Laurel too.
Oliver: I didn’t want her to be involved in this. I didn’t want anyone to be involved in this.
Lance: But you involved me. You spent a year making me look like a fool. You spent a year making me your accomplice. You have any idea what you’ve done? Huh? What you’ve done to all of us? To the people who you claim to care so much about?! You’ve made us criminals! You’ve made us liars and victims! You, Mr. Queen, are not a hero! You’re a villain! But you know that, don’t you?

The Goldbergs
Lainey: Tiffany is coming to *our* mall!
Erica: Sweet God, my life now has meaning!

Beverly: You gotta go up there and tell her she’s gotta go to college!
Murray: Why? You just told her she didn’t!
Beverly: Because, I’m the dream pusher, and you’re the dream smusher. That’s how this works!
Murray: This is a thing? I’m the smusher?
Beverly: Yes! I push, you smush! That’s the natural order of things!
Murray: I didn’t sign up for this! You smush for once. You know, it’s exhausting always having to be the bad guy.
Beverly: Well, it can’t be me! I’m the loving, supportive one. You’re the grumbling, grouchy one I always hide behind. Now go! Smush, smush, smush!

Bones
Booth: I don’t think tweets are meant to be profound, or anything like that. Except if they’re Flyers updates. That’s life or death.

Elementary
Sherlock: The things that I do, the things that you care about, you think that I do them because I’m a good person. I do them ’cause it would hurt too much not to.
Agatha: Because you’re a good person.
Sherlock: It hurts, Agatha. All this. Everything I see. Everything I hear, touch, smell. The conclusions that I’m able to draw. The things that are revealed to me. The ugliness. My work focuses me. It helps. You say that I’m using my gifts. I say I’m just treating them.

Quotes of the Week: March 15-21

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Shameless
Frank: I’m the only guy I know that’s been given last rites three times.

The Good Wife
Marissa: Handsome men are so weak.

Battle Creek
Russ: Your snitch is an NBA cheerleader?
Al: You got a problem with that?
Russ: No, I don’t got a problem with that. The problem I got is that *my* snitch is a fat, annoying, hairy moron.

The Royals
Penelope: I do not want to be American. I do not want to walk around like Justin Bieber with no shirt on and my trousers hanging off.
Eleanor: He’s Canadian.
Maribel: Even worse. They can’t make us Canadian, can they Daddy? Canadian and poor, just like Justin Bieber?

Jane the Virgin
Rogelio: I’m going to take your hand because I’m a gentleman and we’re in public.

Narrator: Sometimes the best romance is not the stuff of fantasy. It’s the romance of small moments…of intimate moments…of reality.

Castle
Kate: Whatever’s next, I don’t want to have to compromise my priorities to get there, and I never want to be guilty of leaving behind what matters most.
Castle: You cannot leave behind what is always at your side.

Community
Abed: That’s the most interesting take on not being interesting I’ve ever heard.

Dean: Guess what I just purchased for the school from a local manufacturer? Greendale’s first virtual reality operating system!
Frankie: Did Greendale *need* a virtual reality system?
Dean: Uh, like a hole in the head!
Frankie: A hole in the head is something that you *don’t* need.
Dean: She said through a huge hole in her head.

Jeff: I’ll never get out of here, will I?
Dean: I haven’t met many that do.

iZombie
Ravi: You ate the girl’s temporal lobe. Going to the police with her potential murderer is the least you can do.

Justified
Tim: Here comes the douche-mobile.

Boyd: You kiss my ass, Raylan Givens!!

Avery: Whatever that blast was, it wasn’t enough.
Raylan: One thing that didn’t occur to me: dipshits not capable of pullin’ it off.
(more…)

Quotes of the Week: Mar. 1-7

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Once Upon a Time
Emma: So, our best defense against a magical beast follows the same rules as chicken pox?!

Emma: Belle…
Belle: I’ll see if I can find anything about this thing in the library
Emma: Thanks. And, Mary Margaret…
Mary Margaret: I’ll get everyone to safety. I’m on it.
Emma: Wow, you guys really have this down.
Hook: Well, this isn’t our first monster bash.

Shameless
Debbie: You should quit while you’re ahead.
Carl: He’ll out-Frank you every time.

Fiona: You have to let me go. You have to let me let you go. I need you to do that for me.

Frank: You shot me.
Sammy: Drastic times.
Frank: None of my kids have shot me.
Sammy: They don’t care about you as much as I do.
Frank: I have a bullet in my arm.
Sammy: No, you don’t. Just grazed ya. I loves you, daddy.
Frank: Ow!
Sammy: I love you, daddy.
Frank: Yeah, I…I love you too, Sammy. I love you too.

The Last Man on Earth
Phil: I got news for you, Tom Hanks, I will never, ever talk to a volleyball!

Looking
Doris: There’s nobody that I’d rather invest in more than you, ’cause you’re my family.

Battle Creek
Milt: In my experience, when you trust people, they trust you.
Russ: Have you actually met people?

Chasing Life
April: Maybe it’s not about finding the reason that all this is happening. Maybe it’s just about trusting that there is one.

House of Cards
Frank: Imagination is its own form of courage.

Frank: You are entitled to nothing.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Hunter: Is every Radio Shack a Hydra outpost? I always suspected.

Empire
Malcolm: Cookie.
Cookie: Yeah. That’s my name. Take a bite.

Hindsight
Lolly: If all goes right, he won’t be the only one sleepin’ on my floor tonight…That made more sense in my head.

Lolly: My Girl? Bleh!
Customer: We heard it was a sweet movie.
Lolly: I used to feel sad for Anna Chlumsky when Macaulay died, but she got off easy. Eventually, he would have told her she was like a sister. Then she’d wish she was the one stung to death by bees!
Customer: Did you seriously just ruin the movie for us?
Sebastian: No. Jamie Lee Curtis will ruin the movie for you.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Matt Lauer: I’m always amazed at what women will do because they’re afraid of being rude.

Kid: Stranger danger!
Kimmy: I’m not stranger danger! I’m a stranger danger ranger!

Titus: Oh no, you can not work there. Rich New Yorkers are the worst. They buy up buildings for themselves and ruin neighborhoods. They’re always inventing new types of dogs that the world doesn’t need. And what do they do with their money? They give it to charities to cure malaria in other countries. Well, call me crazy, but I say, cure malaria at home first!

Kimmy: I was trying to have fun and then I made everything weird. Cause I’m weird. And now you’re looking at me like I’m Jesus’s crazy step-brother, Terry…That’s not in the Bible, is it?

Hart of Dixie
Zoe: All’s fair in love and pastries!!

The Musketeers
Aramis: All for one?
Porthos: Yeah, I know.