The Vampire Diaries

Quotes of the Week: November 8-14

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Once Upon a Time
Merlin: It’s easier to live with the darkness if you can dress it up as vengeance.

Regina: Tell your timbers to stop shivering, pirate.

Zelina: Artie here may have a shorter sword than a man would like, but it can control the world’s greatest wizard.

Supergirl
Kara: I’m not Superman’s cousin. I’m Supergirl! And if I’m going to be defined, it’s going to be by my victories and my loses. No one else’s.

Jane the Virgin
Narrator: Okay. You know what? This is way too stressful. I’m out.

Castle
Castle: You majored in opera singing?
Slaughter: No! Musical theater.
Castle: You?!
Slaughter: Yeah, and if you tell anyone, I’m gonna force feed ya your spleen through your nose.
Castle: Yeah, I’m sorry, I’m tryin’ to be scared, I just keep picturing you doing jazz hands.

The Flash
Joe: You’re putting a whole lot of faith in the man wearing the face of your mother’s killer.

Barry: You wanna be a hero?
Zoom: Heroes die.
Barry: Only if you can catch them.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Rosalind: Phantom pain. The thing that’s missing is the thing that you feel the most.
Coulson: Makes it hard to forget.
Rosalind: So maybe you don’t. But it’s also important to look ahead, see what’s in front of you.

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Quotes of the Week: November 1-7

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Supergirl
Cat: Drunk at 9 a.m., that’s the last time I have breakfast with Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Winn: I got some maaad sowing skills.

Jane the Virgin
Jane: Don’t want to brag, stopped peein’ my pants yesterday. Hey-oh!

The Flash
Dr. Wells: Everyone loses someone they care about. The real test of character is what you do once they’re gone.

iZombie
Gilda: This is our head of R&D. As far as you know, her name is Dr. Irving.
Major: Then, as far as I know, can her first name be Julius?

The Bastard Executioner
Wilkin: You understand that giving birth to a pillow neither serves the shire nor yourself.

Arrow
Oliver: The world is a much more complicated place than most people are comfortable believing.

You’re the Worst
Lexie: Conventional and scary, hell yeah. But the death of fun? Not necessarily! To be a slave to an idea of coolness is why some of your friends never grow and in the end are actually less themselves and, counter-intuitively, live less authentic lives than the buyers-in.

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Quotes of the Week: October 18-24

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Once Upon a Time
Arthur: You betrayed me. You broke the sacred trust of the Round Table.
David: You tried to trick me with a catchy title and a comfy chair.

Homeland
Saul: I’m not a statesman, Heir Düring. I’m a spy.

Quantico
Shaw: I teach the people who find people. You think I couldn’t find you?

The Leftovers
Laurie: I don’t want to hurt them, but they won’t jump out of the way.

Jane the Virgin
Rogelio: Cruise ships is where old people perform! I mean, who am I? Charo?!

Narrator: Never was there sounder advice from a tipsy hallucination.

Blindspot
Jane: It wasn’t your fault.
Kurt: I’ve heard that my whole life.
Jane: But you haven’t heard it from me. It wasn’t your fault. You told me Taylor was my starting point. I think you’re wrong. You…you’re my starting point.

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Quotes of the Week: October 4-10

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

The Great British Baking Show
Howard: When I’ve made this previously, people were quite impressed… That was my mum and dad, though.

The Good Wife
Grace: (On the phone) Alicia Florrick, Attorney-at-Law…Yes, she’s busy, your honor. Can she call you back?
Alicia: Who is it?
Grace: No one. I’m calling myself.

How I Met Your Mother
Robin: Have you ever had one of those days where nothing at all that monumental happens but, by the end of it, you have no idea who you are anymore or what they hell you’re doing with your life?

Blindspot
Weller: I’ve been looking for you my whole life.

Castle
Lucy: Hello. I’m your new home operating system. My name is Lucy. What’s yours?
Castle: My name is Rick Castle and…and…my wife just left me.
Lucy: Yikes. Sucks to be you, Rick.

The Flash
Iris: If you keep getting no for an answer, stop asking questions.
Joe: I say that! You quotin’ me to me?
Iris: What can I say? You are a *very* smart man.

Caitlin: That light was perfect bait. What made you think of that?
Cisco: I don’t know. I think I saw it in a comic book somewhere.

Arrow
Oliver: Felicity Smoak, you have failed this omelet.

The Goldbergs
Coach Mellor: Third graders, out! You have no use to me until you develop adult bodies that can play something besides tag!

Pops: Rugelach is a friendship food.

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Quotes of the Week: May 10-16

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Once Upon a Time
Apprentice: The best way to show your love for those that are gone is to tell their stories.

Jane the Virgin
Magda: That smell is me, because I’m in prison.

Rogelio: There are many Jesus Christs. There is only one Jane.

The Flash
Wells: Trust me. This? This is gonna be fun.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Mac: Right now I’m in a crack-heads-first-ask-questions-later frame of mind.

Mac: It’s Gordon, right?
Gordon: And you are?
Mac: I’m the guy that kills Gordon.

Cal: You know, you’re better than I imagined. I imagined you perfect. You’re way more interesting than that.

Grace and Frankie
Frankie: Sometimes you say the things you need to hear.

Arrow
Barry: You guys have a hot tub? Nice!

Capt. Lance: The city is under attack. It must be May!

Felicity: Don’t fight to die. Fight to live.

Oliver: Can I say something strange? I’m happy.

The Vampire Diaries
Stefan: She was the only person I’ve ever met that believed my brother is worth loving. And she reminded me I believed that too.

Elena: Thank you for bumping into me that day in the hallway.

Quotes of the Week: May 3-9

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Once Upon a Time
Author: It’s a shame. I mean, writing a happy ending for the Evil Queen? Well, you…you’ve always been a favorite of mine. Very clear goals plus totally damaged personality with a self-destructive streak? A recipe for compelling. And, of all the characters I’ve written for, you really do get screwed over the most.
Regina: I’m well aware.

Cora: The only one standing in the way of your happiness is you.

Outlander
Jamie: I could bear pain myself but, I could not bear yours. It would take more strength than I have.

Ian: Well, if you’re goin’ to hell, I might as well go too. God knows, you’ll never manage alone.

Jane the Virgin
Xo: I thought you hated plays.
Rogelio: No, it’s different. Cool people like Bradley Cooper do Broadway now.

Narrator: Okay, that is definitely cute. I *do* love ducks.

New Girl
Winston: If I were off my rocker, would I take a weekly selfie with my cat?

Schmidt: Coach, I used to wish that you were uglier. I don’t wish that anymore. I only wish you the best.

The Flash
Joe: I can’t believe I’m down here looking for a supernatural gorilla. I’m terrified of *regular* gorillas.

The Goldbergs
Bill: We have a saying in Texas: Don’t blame the armadillo. Blame the armadillo’s dumb father.
Murray: We have a saying here: You’re bald!

Murray: This schmuck lives in Philadelphia, yet he roots for the Dallas Cowboys! Who does that?

The Vampire Diaries
Stefan: You can’t do this for me or for her. You have to want to be human for yourself.

Stefan: Uh oh, Elena’s human again. Am I sensing another brother swap?

Grace and Frankie
Grace: If anybody’s gonna sit on Ryan Gosling’s face, it’s gonna be me!

Frankie: What brand would you smoke if your husband turned out to be gay?
Store Clerk: Newports
Frankie: For the last twenty years.
Store Clerk: Luckys

Quotes of the Week: March 15-21

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Shameless
Frank: I’m the only guy I know that’s been given last rites three times.

The Good Wife
Marissa: Handsome men are so weak.

Battle Creek
Russ: Your snitch is an NBA cheerleader?
Al: You got a problem with that?
Russ: No, I don’t got a problem with that. The problem I got is that *my* snitch is a fat, annoying, hairy moron.

The Royals
Penelope: I do not want to be American. I do not want to walk around like Justin Bieber with no shirt on and my trousers hanging off.
Eleanor: He’s Canadian.
Maribel: Even worse. They can’t make us Canadian, can they Daddy? Canadian and poor, just like Justin Bieber?

Jane the Virgin
Rogelio: I’m going to take your hand because I’m a gentleman and we’re in public.

Narrator: Sometimes the best romance is not the stuff of fantasy. It’s the romance of small moments…of intimate moments…of reality.

Castle
Kate: Whatever’s next, I don’t want to have to compromise my priorities to get there, and I never want to be guilty of leaving behind what matters most.
Castle: You cannot leave behind what is always at your side.

Community
Abed: That’s the most interesting take on not being interesting I’ve ever heard.

Dean: Guess what I just purchased for the school from a local manufacturer? Greendale’s first virtual reality operating system!
Frankie: Did Greendale *need* a virtual reality system?
Dean: Uh, like a hole in the head!
Frankie: A hole in the head is something that you *don’t* need.
Dean: She said through a huge hole in her head.

Jeff: I’ll never get out of here, will I?
Dean: I haven’t met many that do.

iZombie
Ravi: You ate the girl’s temporal lobe. Going to the police with her potential murderer is the least you can do.

Justified
Tim: Here comes the douche-mobile.

Boyd: You kiss my ass, Raylan Givens!!

Avery: Whatever that blast was, it wasn’t enough.
Raylan: One thing that didn’t occur to me: dipshits not capable of pullin’ it off.
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Quotes of the Week: March 8-14

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Once Upon a Time
Regina: If you ensured her goodness, why can’t you tell her?
Mary-Margaret: The same reason you don’t want Henry to hear about all the terrible things you did in your past. You wanna protect him, so he doesn’t lose faith in the person you’ve become, the person he always believed you could be. That’s why Emma can never find out what I’m about to tell you. She’s finally starting to open up her heart. And if she learns the truth, if we let her down, she’ll lose faith in us, and it could send her tumbling down a dark path. Because when you betray the people you love, when you make them see the worst parts of you, what you’ve done changes everything. There’s no going back. You’ve shattered the bonds you worked so hard to forge. And the stronger those bonds once were, the more difficult they are the put back together, if they can be repaired at all.

Shameless
Frank: Prison is no place for a man with naturally tight glutes.

Frank: I’m the goddamn father-of-the-bride. Why didn’t I get an invitation?
Sammy: Because you’re an untrained dog, Pops, and no one wants you shitting on the floor.

House of Lies
Marty: Prison makes smarter criminals.

Looking
Kevin: You’re very cute when you’re wrong.

The Voice
Meghan: So, you gotta pick *one* of them? How do you sleep at night?
Blake: I don’t. I drink.

Jane the Virgin
Rogelio: Turns out I’m equally talented in outer space as I am here on Earth.

Justified
Raylan: Zachariah Randolph.
Tim: Let me guess. Local boy. How come no one down here is ever named Steve or Justin?

Ty: Bullshit. You shot me in the back.
Raylan: If you wanted to get hit in the front, you should have run *toward* me.

Raylan: You’re a good lawyer. All the good ones have ponytails.

Ava: Your neck is just as red as mine, you just don’t see it ’cause you’re always walkin’ forward.

The 100
Clarke: I tried…I tried to be the good guy.
Abbie: Maybe there are no good guys.

Clarke: I bear it so they don’t have to.

Empire
Lucious: You know how God made man in his image? I’m making Hakeem in *my* image. God didn’t need no help, and neither do I.

Hindsight
Lolly: What am I doing with my life? Is there a god? Does Jordan Catalano really love me? Etcetera.

Sebastian: I care about you in a way that’s totally appropriate and non-sexual.

The Vampire Diaries
Liam: Caroline Forbes. The girl from the swimming hole.
Caroline: Liam. The boy I totally forgot existed!

Caroline: You know how cute guys just naturally taste better?

Quotes of the Week: Feb. 15-21

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also just random things I happen to be watching.

Shameless
Doctor: “Are you retarded, Frank?”
Frank: “No.”
Doctor: “Then get your shit together.”

The Originals
Jackson: “You brought me a bag of werewolf heads.”
Klaus: “I kind of thought you’d see it as an early wedding present.”

Jackson: “I pledge to honor and defend you and yours, above all others.”
Hayley: “To share in blessings and burdens. To be your advocate. Your champion.”
Jackson: “To be your comfort. Your sanctuary. And for as long as we both shall live.”
Hayley: “To be your family.”
Jackson: “To be your family.”

Gotham
Leslie: “There are plenty of things in this world that can’t be explained by rational science.”
Jim: “Yeah, people who enjoy folk dancing, for instance. Doesn’t mean ghosts exist.”

Jane the Virgin
Jane: “Hey, Rogelio.”
Rogelio: “Dad. You’re locked into Dad now.”
Jane: “Dad. Got it.”

The Flash
Iris: “Do you actually know anything about Physics?”
Mason: “Not a thing. It might as well be in Dothraki.”

Professor Stein: “I’m still inside Ronald.”
Cisco: “There has to be a better way to phrase that.”

Cisco: “You guys are like ten seasons of Ross and Rachel but, just like, smushed into one year.”

About a Boy
Fiona: “Oh, cabbage. You are not what men want.”

Fiona: “Right. Now you’re gonna get a lecture: 1. you’re a rubbish chaperone; 2. you are a *very* poor judge of character; 3. you’re far too tall, Sasquatch; 4. you’re an idiot; 5. snip, snip, snip on your eyebrows, okay? 6. your hair’s too big and it’s not the humidity!”

Agent Carter
Peggy: “Have you ever been hanged, Mr. Jarvis?”
Jarvis: “I can’t say that I have, no.”
Peggy: “It is quite unpleasant!”

Dooley: “I’m supposed to believe that you pulled off your own investigation without any of us noticing.”
Sousa: “Why would you go through all that trouble instead of coming to one of us?”
Peggy: “I conducted my own investigation because no one listens to me. I got away with it because no one looks at me. Because, unless I have your reports, your coffee or your lunch, I am invisible!”

Peggy: “I’ve just thought of something.”
Jarvis: “We’re still attached to a table.”
Peggy: ” We are *still* attached to a table.”

New Girl
Winston: “I will say one thing about that man that I’ve only said about Ryan Gosling: hot damn!”

Nick: “You know what the problem with Jordan Catalano is?”
Jess: “Yeah, an undiagnosed learning disability!”

Nick: “I touched both your mother’s breasts in a communal womb earlier today. I didn’t do it on purpose, but there it is.”

Justified
Constable Bob: “Hell yeah I got a badge. And I got balls like Death Stars. Let’s do this.”

The Goldbergs
Barry: “Erica wins! She called me the TV character I like!”

Pops: “See, the problem here is, you horribly interpreted my advice.”

The 100
Lincoln: “Just let him kill me, then take him out. Please! Your people need you.”
Clarke: “You are my people.”

Hindsight
Lolly: “You look like a scared toon about to be dipped by Christopher Lloyd.”

Suits
Harvey: “I can’t believe it, you have no idea what to say! What’s today’s date? I wanna write this down.”
Donna: “You know what? It’s the 7th of kiss my ass and tomorrow’s the 8th of set your own goddamn meetings.”
Harvey: “Is that the Mayan calendar?”
Donna: “Nope. That’s the Donna calendar.”

Harvey: “Who is *she*?”
Mike: “That’s that lawyer.”
Harvey: “Why didn’t you tell me she was hot?”
Mike: “Because it’s not relevant?”
Harvey: “It is to me.”
Mike: “Why?”
Harvey: “Because she’s hot.”

The Vampire Diaries
Damon: “Today isn’t the worst day of your life. Today and tomorrow, that’s a cake walk. There’ll be people around you day in and day out, like they’re afraid to leave you alone. The worst day? That’s next week. When there’s nothing but quiet.”

Jo: “You can’t throw a pity proposal at a pregnant, ex-witch!”

Hart of Dixie
Wade: “Life was so much simpler before you and I became friends.”

Gilmore Girls
Reverend: “You know, Rory, being a young lady comes with many gifts. Your virtue, for example, is a gift. A precious gift. Possibly the most precious gift you possess.”
Rory: “Uh-huh?”
Reverend: “You wanna give this gift very carefully. It is a gift you can only give to one man. Once you give it, it’s gone. You can’t re-gift it. If you give it away too soon, to the wrong man, then when the right one does come along, you have no gift to give. You’ll have to buy him a sweater. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
Rory: “No.”
Reverend: “Think long and hard about when and to whom you want to give the ultimate gift you have to give away.”
Rory: “Oh.”
Reverend: “Yes.”
Rory: “Oh, dear.”
Reverend: “Oh, dear, indeed.”
Rory: “Uhm, well, listen, Reverend, I really appreciate you taking the time out of, what I assume is, a busy day, to come here and talk to me about all of this, but I’m afraid the ultimate gift ship has sailed.”
Reverend: “What?”
Rory: “A while ago. It’s probably in Fiji by now.”

12 Monkeys
Striking Woman: “You’re walking through a red forest and the grass is tall.”

Cole: “Everybody’s got two wolves inside ’em and both of ’em are starving. One wolf is anger, envy, pride. The other is truth, kindness. Everyday they tear each other apart, but it’s not the better wolf that wins, it’s the one you feed.”

8 Traumatizing Deaths…

There is something you should know about me: I am a crier. I thought about posting clips instead of images to go along with these choices, but I could not even bring myself to re-watch every scene. The current season of Sons of Anarchy is poised to kill off *at least* one major character and I have heard that something major may happen on Parenthood. Every week I mentally prepare myself just in case and I always have tissues ready. They came in handy last week for the unexpected Bones death. With all of that in mind, I decided to create this list of character deaths that have traumatized me.

1. Jenna Sommers – The Vampire Diaries, played by Sara Canning. This show set an early precedent that no one was safe when they killed off Vicki in the seventh episode, but I was still not prepared for Elena to lose both of her parental figures in one episode. John had not really been around that much, but Jenna was the one that took care of Elena and Jeremy day-to-day and she had only just learned of the existence of vampires.



2. Opie Winston – Sons of Anarchy, played by Ryan Hurst. Not only was Opie just a great character but, as my friend Rolee reminded me, he volunteered his death. He knew someone had to die, so he offered his own life to save his friends and help his club.



3. Joyce Summers – Buffy the Vampire Slayer, played by Kristine Sutherland. For this one, it was not so much the death itself that was traumatizing, it was the way Buffy responded to her loss. As the slayer, she was always the one person who could save everyone and this was really the first time that she could not do anything to change what had happened.



4. Catelyn, Robb and Talisa Stark – Game of Thrones, played by Michelle Fairley, Richard Madden, and Oona Chaplin. I only read the first book of this series, so I was not at all prepared for the Red Wedding. I knew Robb was supposed to die at the end of the season, but was not expecting the brutality of their deaths. The image of Talisa getting stabbed in the stomach is forever seared in my brain.

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