You’re the Worst

Quotes of the Week: September 25-October 1

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, mostly from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

New Girl
Jess: Let’s get ready to Rodham!

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Director Mace: There’s so much S.H.I.E.L.D. history that Agent Carter herself didn’t know it all.

Mack: Why? Why are you doing this?
Fitz: Because she’s turned her back on us, Mack! Because something terrible happened, and she didn’t want our help getting through it!
Mack: Slow down, Turbo.
Fitz: Well, we’ve all been through terrible things, all of us, and we’ve never turned our back!
Daisy: I…I’m doing what I need to do.
Mack: And it still affects us. Like it or not.

This Is Us
Kevin: What did I ever do those first two minutes without you?
Kate: Uh, you cried and you crapped a lot.
Kevin: Sounds about right.

Toby: I heard that Deadpool was her idea… or maybe it was Hamilton, I get those two confused.

Rebecca: Hey, how do you think we’re doing so far? At parenting?
Jack: I…
Rebecca: ‘Cause I think we’re at a six. On a sliding scale, one through ten, I think we’re at a six, and I think I’m being generous.
Jack: Bec…
Rebecca: Seven, fine, but only because there are three of them.
Jack: Baby, I…
Rebecca: And the thing is, I’m trying really hard to get us to a nine. Because they are cute kids, and they deserve nine-parents. And the thing is, I feel like I’m there, Jack. I feel like I’m operating at a nine. Because I do individualized lunches, and I do individualized tuck-ins for each kid so nobody feels gypped. And… when you’re home, and you’re you, you’re way better than I am. You’re a ten when you’re you, Jack. But you’re getting home later and later, and when you do come home, you’re…
Jack: Bec, what are you saying?
Rebecca: The drinking has to stop. You have to reign it in, baby, because I won’t have it in my house.
Jack: You won’t have it in your house.
Rebecca: I won’t! So, if it’s a problem, fix it. Be a man, and fix it. Because I’m done letting you lower our score.

The West Wing
Ron: It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t Gina’s fault. It wasn’t Charlie’s fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault, Toby. It was an act of madmen. You think a tent was going to stop them? We got the President in the car. We got Zoe in the car. And at 150 yards and five stories up, the shooters were down 9.2 seconds after the first shot was fired. I would never let you not let me protect the President. You tell us you don’t like something, we figure out something else. It was an act of madmen.

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Quotes of the Week: December 6-20

These are my favorite quotes from the past two weeks, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

The Leftovers
Man at Bar: You pushed a little a girl into a well. You don’t want to sing?

John: I killed you.
Kevin: Nope.

Quantico
Ryan: A soldier isn’t a criminal just because you don’t believe in their war.

Supergirl
James: No hero can save everyone. Not even Superman. But a real hero never stops trying.

Fargo
Ed: Are you seein’ this?
Peggy: It’s just a flyin’ saucer, Ed. We gotta go.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Coulson: I’ll be damned. Tatooine.

You’re the Worst
Gretchen: After I cleaned the fries off your face and put you to bed, you said something to me that was pretty dark.
Jimmy: Don’t tell me.
Gretchen: Okay. I won’t… I love you too.

The Vampire Diaries
Stefan: You are my back-up. You’re just terrible at it!

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8 Episodes from 2015

Here are my favorite episodes of television from the past year in no particular order. If it is possible, there was even more good television than last year and it was very difficult to pick only eight episodes. They are not necessarily the BEST episodes from the year, just the ones that I enjoyed and the ones that affected me the most.

1. Justified – The Promise
I am not really sure what made me interested in checking out this show when it first aired. Timothy Olyphant was definitely a factor, but there just must have been something about those first trailers that drew me in. And I am so glad that they did because it quickly became one of my favorite shows on TV. Each season was engaging and they had some of the best guest stars of any show on TV. This finale not only wrapped up the season’s arc with an epic shootout, but also brought Raylan’s, Ava’s and Boyd’s stories full circle. Everyone ended up exactly where they should.

2. The Flash – Fast Enough / Arrow – Legends of Yesterday
Okay, so this is technically two episodes, but since it was a two-part crossover, I am counting them as one. There are so many things that I love about these shows, including the fact that The Flash has consistently had the best special effects of any show on TV and Arrow has the best stunts. I also really found the music in these episodes to be inspiring. It was subtle, but in the Flash episode, you could hear Arrow themes overlayed and in the Arrow episode you could hear Flash themes. It was beautiful and awesome. These episodes also introduced us to Hawkgirl, Hawkman and Vandal Savage, who will all be featured on the new series Legends of Tomorrow. I just love how these shows intertwine so seamlessly, yet still maintain their individual tones.

3. Outlander – Wentworth Prison
The performances in this episode from Sam Heughan, Caitroina Balfe and Tobias Menzies just blew me away and broke my heart. It was an incredibly difficult episode to watch, even as someone who has read the books and knew what was going to happen, but is was so well done. We saw just how evil and broken Black Jack Randall truly is and also what lengths Jamie would go to in order to protect Claire. It was an extremely powerful and moving episode of television, and one that will stay with me for a long time.

4. Playing House – Celebrate Me Scones
One word: Bosephus! This season finale also gave us Kenny Loggins and his pun-tastic green room, as well as Jeanine Willcall and a heartwrenching cliff-hanger. You would think that having one of my best friends from high school working at the network, I would be able to get *some* intel on whether or not there would be a third season, but my mind control skills do not seem to be working. I NEED MORE OF THIS AMAZING SHOW!

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Quotes of the Week: November 8-14

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Once Upon a Time
Merlin: It’s easier to live with the darkness if you can dress it up as vengeance.

Regina: Tell your timbers to stop shivering, pirate.

Zelina: Artie here may have a shorter sword than a man would like, but it can control the world’s greatest wizard.

Supergirl
Kara: I’m not Superman’s cousin. I’m Supergirl! And if I’m going to be defined, it’s going to be by my victories and my loses. No one else’s.

Jane the Virgin
Narrator: Okay. You know what? This is way too stressful. I’m out.

Castle
Castle: You majored in opera singing?
Slaughter: No! Musical theater.
Castle: You?!
Slaughter: Yeah, and if you tell anyone, I’m gonna force feed ya your spleen through your nose.
Castle: Yeah, I’m sorry, I’m tryin’ to be scared, I just keep picturing you doing jazz hands.

The Flash
Joe: You’re putting a whole lot of faith in the man wearing the face of your mother’s killer.

Barry: You wanna be a hero?
Zoom: Heroes die.
Barry: Only if you can catch them.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Rosalind: Phantom pain. The thing that’s missing is the thing that you feel the most.
Coulson: Makes it hard to forget.
Rosalind: So maybe you don’t. But it’s also important to look ahead, see what’s in front of you.

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Quotes of the Week: November 1-7

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Supergirl
Cat: Drunk at 9 a.m., that’s the last time I have breakfast with Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Winn: I got some maaad sowing skills.

Jane the Virgin
Jane: Don’t want to brag, stopped peein’ my pants yesterday. Hey-oh!

The Flash
Dr. Wells: Everyone loses someone they care about. The real test of character is what you do once they’re gone.

iZombie
Gilda: This is our head of R&D. As far as you know, her name is Dr. Irving.
Major: Then, as far as I know, can her first name be Julius?

The Bastard Executioner
Wilkin: You understand that giving birth to a pillow neither serves the shire nor yourself.

Arrow
Oliver: The world is a much more complicated place than most people are comfortable believing.

You’re the Worst
Lexie: Conventional and scary, hell yeah. But the death of fun? Not necessarily! To be a slave to an idea of coolness is why some of your friends never grow and in the end are actually less themselves and, counter-intuitively, live less authentic lives than the buyers-in.

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Quotes of the Week: September 27-October 3

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Chasing Life
Sara: Sometimes the guy who sticks by you, the guy who never gives up, is the guy you should build a life with.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Hunter: I know that’s sarcasm, and I’m choosing to accept your thoughtfulness at face value.

The Bastard Executioner
Calo: You’re not afraid, Moor?
Berber: All the time. But I look at my fear and I pray to find some small piece of bravery to face it.

You’re the Worst
Honey Nutz: Last time he was mad, he cried for a week. Then he burnt down my mom’s tool shed. Now she’s keepin’ all her rakes in the kitchen, like a chump.

Sam: Recording tracks behind my back! Treatin’ me like you Salt-N-Pepa and I’m Spinderella and shit!
Shitstain: Spinderella would never hack a brother’s Netflix queue! I had, like, 500 things I wanted to watch. Now the only thing I can remember is Peaky Blinders.

Sleepy Hollow
Icabod: The deeds of so many brave men and women. Sign posts of history. Reminders of our hardship and the ultimate sacrifice. They’ve taken it and used it to decorate an eatery.
Abbie: They also have mini-golf out back.

Abbie: The monsters are real, but it’s okay, because it’s my job to stop them. I’m a witness and that is my mission.

Quotes of the Week: September 13-19

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Masters of Sex
Betty: I used to pray evey night to God to take me apart and put the pieces back together only a little different just so that I wouldn’t have to feel what I felt. I wouldn’t have to want what I wanted. But then I met Helen and, for some reason, I couldn’t understand she loved me, and I…I didn’t all of a sudden feel right, but seeing myself through someone else’s eyes, it makes a difference.

Chasing Life
Danny: So you’re gonna ditch trivia night for a fun, innocent day trip with your ex-girlfriend to her dead husband’s camp for sick kids. That should be a totally normal experience.

The Bastard Executioner
Wilkin: I serve God and family, not cause or crown.

Zoo
Abe: Even before all this began, people who love cats should have kept themselves hidden.

You’re The Worst
Gretchen: Get off the counter, banana. You fancy now.

Strike Back
Stonebridge: On the bright side, it is a chance to inject young Damien here with some culture.
Scott: I got culture comin’ outta my ass.
Stonebridge: Most opera involves sex, violence, death and betrayal. So, yes, this should be right up your alley.
Scott: See, that sounds good.

Quotes of the Week: September 6-12

These are my favorite quotes from the past week, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Narcos
Javier: This cat is DEA. Mark my words, you will get justice.

Tata: What good is having all the money in the world if you can’t go home?

The Last Ship
Miller: Now we’re all immune, ass hole.

Cdr. Chandler: People need to celebrate, even in the worst of times.

Chasing Life
Sarah: We can’t choose who we love, but we can choose how we respond to those people when they do self-destructive things.

Hand of God
Bishop Bruce Congdon: When you’re pushin’ God, it’s okay to have fake tits, you just can’t be full of shit.

Anne: We might never get what we earn on merit, but that doesn’t mean we can’t get what we deserve.

Playing House
Maggie: What happens in the ladies bathroom stays in the ladies bathroom.

Maggie: Why are you dressed like Shaft?
Mark: Why am I dressed like Shaft?! Are you hunting wabbits?

Mark: These two are free to go.
Emma: I know I’m free! My heart can’t be caged! I know why the caged bird sings and you can suck on this one!
Maggie: Alright. Alright.
Emma: What did I just say?

You’re The Worst
Gretchen: What’s the address here?
Jimmy: You don’t know the address?
Gretchen: No.
Jimmy: You live here.
Gretchen: Who knows their address?
Jimmy: People. Kidnapped children. This dog I saw on Dateline who rides the bus to the park.

Lindsay: You go home tonight and you dress up real slutty, and you do butt stuff with your boyfriend. For all of us who let love die by becoming ordinary. Do it for the sweater people, Gretch. The sweater people.

Sam: Do I look like a Fitbit?! I don’t give a shit about your sleep!

8 Returning Fall Shows…

I say this every year but, as someone whose favorite season is Summer, the only good thing about the start of Fall for me is the new TV lineup. The full list of everything I am watching will be posted here once shows start to premiere, but the following is my list of returning shows I am most excited about.

1. You’re the Worst
Season 2 premieres September 9th on FXX, stars Aya Cash, Chris Geere, Desmin Borges and Kether Donohue. I missed the first season when it originally aired on FX, but caught up in *one day* thanks to Hulu because it is just that good. The show has been referred to as an “anti-rom-com,” and this season Jimmy and Gretchen are actually living together, so there is no way that will go well. It should be another hilarious season!



2. Empire
Season 2 premieres September 23rd on Fox, stars Taraji P. Henson, Terrence Howard, Trai Byers, Jussie Smollett, Bryshere Y. Gray, Grace Gealy, Kaitlin Doubleday, Ta’Rhonda Jones and Gabourey Sidibe. Not only did the audience continue to grow in size with each episode of the first season, the show also just kept getting better and better. I am very excited too see what happens with the Lyon family in season two. I also just really need Cookie back in my life.



3. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Season 3 premieres September 29th on ABC, stars Clark Gregg, Ming-Na Wen, Chloe Bennet, Iain De Caestecker, Elizabeth Henstridge, Brett Dalton, Adrianne Palicki, Nick Blood, Henry Simmons and Luke Mitchell. The first half of the second season started out really strong, but then they introduced us to the Inhumans and it started to get a little muddled. I still really enjoy the main characters and feel like they cleaned things up a bit in the finale, so I am interested to see where season three takes us. I mean, what the heck happened to Simmons?!



4. The Affair
Season 2 premieres October 4th on Showtime, stars Ruth Wilson, Maura Tierney, Dominic West and Joshua Jackson. The story seems simple: two married people start to have an affair over one summer in the Hamptons. However, this particular story was presented in such an interesting and complex way. The first season gave us two perspectives, but in season two the cheated-on spouses are also getting their points of view told, which should add some great intricacies. That also hopefully means more Joshua Jackson, so I am definitely on board.

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Quotes of the Week: August 9-22

These are my favorite quotes from the past two weeks, not just from shows currently on the air, but also other random things I happen to be watching.

Masters of Sex
Dr. Farber: Where is the love?
Dr. Masters: In 1687, Sir Isaac Newton discovered what was then known as the Law of Universal Gravitation. Gravity. Take two objects, the larger object exerts an attractive force on the smaller object pulling it towards itself, as it were. An apple falls from the tree. The earth, by far the more massive object, pulls the apple to the ground. Simple enough. Only Newton’s theory left scientists a rather puzzling problem. To paraphrase you, Dr. Farber, where is the gravity? It’s not something you can see or touch. It’s not something you can put under microscopes or examine from a telescope. Well, 230 years after Newton, a German patent clerk in Switzerland *finally* realized that scientists had been asking the wrong question all along. They would never find an object in all the immensity of space called ‘gravity’ because, in point of fact, gravity is nothing but the shape of space itself. That clerk, Einstein, posited that the apple does not fall to the ground because the Earth exerts some mysterious kind of force upon it, the apple falls to the ground because it is following the lines and grooves that gravity has carved into space. And when we talk about sex, we do not talk about love, Dr. Farber, because love cannot be rendered into columns and graphs as if it were the same as blood pressure or heart rate. Love is not a force exerted by one body *onto* another. It is the very fabric of those bodies. Love is that which carves the lines and grooves. The curvature of our desire.

The Last Ship
Ray: These guys are packing some major fire power. They had guns I didn’t know existed. And I play a lot of video games.
Cdr Chandler: Well, we don’t have to worry about that. We’re bringing a Navy ship to a gun fight.

Chasing Life
April: Marriage isn’t about romance. It’s about commitment.
Emma: Commitment *is* romantic.

You’re the Worst
Becca: Jimmy, are you having a good time?
Jimmy: Absolutely. I’m just so glad you invited me.
Becca: Really?
Jimmy: Of course! Sometimes, you just want to witness the beginning of a disaster, so later, when the house is engulfed in flames, you can say, “Yup! I was there when they installed the faulty wiring.”

The Fosters
Callie: The system is broken, sir, badly. And the only people who understand just how bad are the ones without any say, without any voice. Somebody’s gotta speak up.
Judge Ringer: And that someone is going to be you, is it?
Callie: Yes. I’m one of the lucky ones. You know, I… I found an amazing family, and I’m finally safe and loved, like, really, truly loved. And one of the things that I’ve learned from my moms, from watching the way that they live their lives, is that when you’re lucky, it is your job to give something back. And when you see something wrong, to stand up and to say so. So, I’m really sorry if I offended you. It was not my intention. I’m not going to apologize for standing up. Somebody has to.
Judge Ringer: Well, I wish it weren’t the case, but there’s a lot of truth in what you’re saying. It’s no secret the system is failing a lot of kids, and that someone needs to do something about it. I’m proud of you for being that person.

Veep
Amy: She is so good at making people believe she is good with people.

The Astronaut Wives Club
Trudy: The world just became a lot bigger.
Rene: The question is, what’s next?

Killjoys
Johnny: When it rains, it poops.

Bomber: Don’t feel ashamed. It’s not like it’s a fair fight. You’re just a girl. I’m Level 6.
Johnny: I’m Johnny Jaqobis. Stop licking my partner.